Our Annus Horribilis: Of Bereavement, Unmooring, + The Quilts We Leave Behind

Many of you have reached out to me privately out of concern that my family might have been impacted by Hurricane Milton.  Thank you so much for thinking of me.  We did lose power for 18 hours after the storm but nothing was damaged and no one was harmed.  The reason I haven't been writing blog posts is that we lost Bernie's dad suddenly to cancer on October 1st, less than 13 months after his mother passed away last September.  We have been upended by an emotional storm of stress, anxiety and grief before Milton was even on the radar and will be dealing with its aftermath for a long time.  My husband asked me to write his dad's obituary for the Naples Daily News and you can read about his amazing life online here.

Fred's rare and aggressive "locally advanced" squamous colon cancer was only diagnosed this past March, within weeks of our moving to Florida.  He underwent major surgery in May to remove a football-sized tumor along with a large chunk of his colon, his entire gallbladder and a third of his liver.  The surgeon thought he had gotten all the cancer with clear margins.  After months of rehab and recovery, Fred was feeling better and was looking forward to taking a trip with my sister-in-law in mid-September when everything suddenly went downhill.  A new tumor had developed and grown to the size of a golf ball on what remained of his liver, obstructing his bile duct and causing acute liver failure.  Scans done at the hospital revealed more new cancer that had spread all throughout the soft tissue in his abdomen.  Fred spent another two miserable weeks in the hospital in September (during which Bernie had Covid and couldn't even visit his dad) and then after his discharge we endured agonizing follow up appointments with his surgeon and oncologist where the news was bleak: they were very sorry, surgery and chemo and everything else were out of the question now that he was in advanced liver failure, and things were "going to move quickly from here," as one doctor put it.  The oncologist recommended hospice and told us that any out of town relations who wanted to say their goodbyes should not wait until Thanksgiving; they should come now.  And then, just a week after leaving the hospital, he was gone.  

My Father-In-Law Fred with the Halo Quilt I Made for His Wife, February 2024

My husband and his sister are in shock.  They were used to talking to their dad nearly every day, and I think they are feeling unmoored by the loss of both parents (in addition to losing a cousin under tragic circumstances) within the space of a single year.  Only six months ago, Fred was a force to be reckoned with, larger than life, with a booming bass voice recanting family histories, forcefully expounding his political views, and interrogating his grandchildren about their education and career goals.  None of us anticipated that cancer would take him so swiftly despite his fighting with every ounce of willpower and all the resources of modern medicine.  

Fred spent the past five years caring for my mother-in-law Marlies throughout her heartbreaking dementia and other debilitating health issues.  Most of his hobbies and all of his traveling was suspended during that time that he was tethered to the house and always at her side, knowing that his presence was comforting.  He was devastated when she finally passed in September of '23.

My Mother-In-Law Marlies with My Halo Quilt in August, 2023

So that Halo quilt that I made for Marlies in August of 2023, my most recent personal quilt finish, has already been left behind and inherited by another family member twice: First Fred inherited it from Marlies, and now the quilt has come back home to me, inherited by my husband.  I loved that quilt when I finished it, but now that it's back in my house I have mixed feelings about it.  I washed it and it looks brand new even though it was used daily -- neither of them owned the quilt long enough for there to be any visible wear whatsoever.  This quilt was NOT SUPPOSED TO COME BACK TO ME YET.

Sharon's La Passacaglia Millefiori Quilt, Laundry Room Makeover + My Workshop Project Pivot

Good morning and Happy Thursday, coming to you from the Severe Weather Epicenter of Hurricane Helene!  Okay, so I’m not exactly in the epicenter of the storm…  But this is our first hurricane since moving to Florida and it’s very nerve-wracking for me!  I bought a bunch of bottled water, stocked up on nonperishables, and now I’m biting my nails, listening to howling winds outside and getting nervous every time the power blips the lights off for a couple of seconds.  We’re nowhere near where storm surges or flooding or houses getting swept into the ocean is expected, but I still worry about losing power (Air conditioning — it’s still really hot here!  And refrigeration for our food!  And being able to cook!  And omigosh, why didn’t I think of asking my husband to hook my espresso machine up to an old treadle machine or something?).  EEK!!!  But the power and the air conditioning is on right now, my son is baking brownies and they smell amazing, my dog is snoring peacefully, and my husband is watching some football show on the television.   All is well in this moment and we’ll deal with anything tomorrow brings when it gets here.  So instead of watching the weather channel, I’ve decided to share a beautiful La Passacaglia Millefiori quilt with you that I quilted for my client Sharon last December, one of the last quilts before disassembling my long arm for the move to Florida.  

Sharon used the pattern from Willyne Hammerstein's Millefiori Quilts book available on Amazon here (this post contains affiliate links).  La Passacaglia and the other Millefiori quilts in the book have been very popular, and I found both acrylic templates for traditional hand piecing and foundation papers for English paper piecing this quilt on both Amazon and on Etsy.  

Sharon's 70 x 81 La Passacaglia Millefiori Quilt

What really intrigued me about Sharon's version of La Passacaglia is her restrained palette of neutrals and how that gives the quilt a completely different look from the brightly multicolored quilts many others have made with this pattern.  Her fabrics remind me of sandy beaches strewn with pale peach and cream seashells and sand dollars and I thought it was spectacular.  I loved the quilt top immediately, but Sharon thought her finished quilt top was a little bland for her taste, not as exciting as she'd envisioned it.  That's why I always ask clients what they like best about their quilt and whether there's anything they wish they had done differently or could change.  Knowing how Sharon felt about her quilt, I suggested an elaborate clamshell quilting design to inject textural drama into her quilt.  I used Quilter's Dream Wool batting for several reasons: it's very lightweight so it prevents a heavily pieced and weighty quilt top like La Passacaglia from turning into a super heavy quilt, the additional loft helps ease in the fullness that can be common with hand pieced quilts, and the loft of wool creates maximal dimension and texture.  I quilted it with matte, thin So Fine thread in color Pearl to ensure the quilting stitches would blend into her fabrics without upstaging the intricate piecing.  

Detail of Faceted Clams E2E in So Fine Thread, Color Pearl

By the way, fairly heavy quilting like this is not just for looks -- there's a functional benefit.  Hand pieced seams aren't always as strong as machine pieced seams, but heavy quilting secures and reinforces the patchwork seams, protecting them from stress damage throughout the life of the quilt.  Whenever someone grabs or tugs at a quilt with heavy quilting, they are pulling on all three layers of the quilt together (pieced top, batting and backing).  When someone grabs or tugs at a minimally quilted or hand tied quilt, they often grab hold of just the quilt top layer, causing those fabrics to wear and tear and the patchwork seams to pop prematurely.  Heavy quilting doesn't need to result in a stiff quilt as long as the batting is soft and supple and you use a thin, pliable thread for the quilting.